I forgive everyone, including myself

There is a Buddhist proverb that says, “when the student is ready the teacher will appear.”  It’s a true story.  I’ve been on a quest of sorts since about 2008.   Around that time I was guided to Eckhart Tolle, Marianne Williamson, Reverend Michael Bernard Beckwith, Pema Chodron, Louise Hay and masterful spiritual teacher, Dr. Wayne Dyer.   His teachings were a lighthouse for me at a time when things were quite messy.  He has been a significant part of my personal journey, offering me a new way of understanding life and an opportunity to shift my perspective.

Yesterday, I heard that this exquisite teacher, writer, poet and mystic passed away peacefully in his sleep. In honor of his memory, I’ve collected some of my favorite Wayne Dyer lessons. You may notice a theme in the quotes I’ve chosen here.  That’s because I am still a student of his, and forgiveness does not come easily for me. I’m working on it.  These are my cliff notes.  My wish is that you find value and comfort in these words of wisdom and remember, your intentions create your reality.  xo, Dre

Find more single mom quotes at https://facebook.com/singleMOMentum: Find more single mom quotes at https://facebook.com/singleMOMentum

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

I forgive myself, and then I move on. You can sit there forever, lamenting about how bad you've been, feeling guilty until you die, and not one tiny slice of that guilt will do anything to change a single thing in the past. — Wayne Dyer: I forgive myself, and then I move on. You can sit there forever, lamenting about how bad you've been, feeling guilty until you die, and not one tiny slice of that guilt will do anything to change a single thing in the past. — Wayne Dyer

“Thoroughly unprepared we take the step into the afternoon of life. Worse still we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths and our ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program on life’s morning. For what was great in the morning will be little at evening and what in the morning was true in the evening will become a lie.”- Dr. Wayne Dyer

“Without exception, begin every day of your life with gratitude. As you look in the mirror, say, “Thank you, God, for life, for my body, for my family and loved ones, for this day, and for the opportunity to be of service. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

If you don't make peace with your past it will keep showing up in your present. — Wayne Dyer: If you don't make peace with your past it will keep showing up in your present. — Wayne Dyer

Attachment quotes - Enjoy everything that happens in your life, but never make your happiness or success dependent on an attachment to any person, place or thing. Wayne Dyer: Attachment quotes - Enjoy everything that happens in your life, but never make your happiness or success dependent on an attachment to any person, place or thing. Wayne Dyer

From Wayne Dyer on FB: From Wayne Dyer on FB

“We are not our bodies, our possessions or our careers.  What we are is DIVINE LOVE, and that is INFINITE.  ~Dr. Wayne Dyer 1940 – 2015


Forgiveness Part Deux

I apologize for the late delivery of this two-part blog post from February. I’ve been having quite a bit of resistance writing the follow-up post to A Prayer For Forgiveness. I think I kept putting it off because I imagined after 30 days of praying for this person, I would feel a calm settle in my heart like a warm peaceful embrace that would wrap around me like a soft cashmere blanket. I planned on being miraculously healed and I guess that was the post I was willing to write. My experiment in praying for a person whom I resent for many reasons including an unpaid debt has been an enlightening one.  At the end of 30 days, did I actually find it in my heart to forgive this person? Um…. Sort of…

I prayed for D.B. (Dirt Bag) daily for 30 days like I said I would. Sometimes twice a day or more. Anytime something reminded me of D.B. or an ill feeling came up as it often does, I would say my prayer, “Dear God, Please bless D.B. today…” Long story short: I am still at it. Weeks into the experiment, the prayer evolved too. It has become “D.B., I forgive you and I release you to the Holy Spirit.”  The practice of praying for someone who’s memory makes me throw up a little in my mouth brought me a new level of understanding. I found that the more I prayed for D.B. the easier it was to harvest good feelings toward this person. As the days and weeks went by my prayer became more genuine too.

I put forgiveness as a focus in my world and the universe supported my efforts. During this time, synchronistically, I caught a 2-hour life class Oprah hosted solely on the topic of forgiveness featuring world-class spiritual masters giving advice on letting go. One of them described resentment and unforgiveness as taking poison but expecting the other person to die. This had a powerful effect on me and I watched that show twice to ensure I heard all the messages of forgiveness thoroughly. Forgiveness does not mean you have to accept the person back into your life.  It doesn’t mean you are condoning what they did to you, or that you are in anyway saying its ok.   Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different. So you don’t hold on to wishing that the experience were different.  You let that go and you move forward with the grace that God has given you, from this day on.

My quest to forgive D.B. forced me to examine my malevolent heart.  I found the list of people whom I hold grudges and resentment towards is much longer than I wished to admit. If I am to pray for and forgive D.B. , then I must do the same for B.B. (Backstabbing Bitch), C.B. (Crazy Bitch), F.B. (Fucking Bitch), and P.O.S. (Piece of Shit) too. According to the masters, if I don’t, I am only hurting myself. In the spirit of self-preservation, I soldier on…

During this time of trying to hone my forgiveness abilities I read two books: Forgiveness, The Greatest Healer of All, by Gerald G. Jampolsky, and A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. The insights gained from these books are too many to name here, but what I will say is that I emerge from this experiment of clemency with a sense of gratitude that I couldn’t connect to before. I knew that D.B. left me with many lessons, but I couldn’t truly be grateful for them because they were so painful to learn. No, I am not grateful I was used, mistreated, betrayed, etc. I am grateful 1) I survived. 2) I discovered strength I didn’t know I had 3) I’m much more wise because of the whole D.B. situation and I will NEVER be that girl again… 4) I’m grateful for the amazing circle of friends and family who have shown me endless support, love and devotion. I don’t think I knew they had my back like that until I went through what I went through…

Praying for D.B. and the others is working like a healing balm on my heart. My anger has
dissipated. It isn’t gone, but it’s not as close to the surface as it was before the experiment. Also, I am able to own and admit my part in each situation. In addition, I am able to see how part of the reason I stay focused on my heartache and story of how much I hate D.B. is because I’m sort of addicted to the story. Through the prayer for forgiveness experiment,  I am now able to see this clearly.

At this point, I’ve learned that forgiveness is a decision to focus on the lesson, grow and do better because of the experience, and move on.

I can honestly say that through this new insight, D.B. is becoming more of a distant thought for me than before. If I think about the situation I can still quickly become enraged and slip into my self-deprecating downward spiral, therefore I consciously make the decision to not even go there. I am awake and aware of where my thoughts go, who I’m surrounding myself with, and what stories I’m telling myself and others.

Resentment closes your heart and blocks love from coming into your life. Its toxic and turns into illness in the body like ulcers and various diseases, including cancer. In this sense, resentment can literally kill you.

Forgiveness isn’t weakness, its strength. Mark Twain beautifully said, “Forgiveness is the fragrance a violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.“ I strive for this…

For now, D.B. continues to be in my prayers, as do the others.  They will remain there until my heart is healed and I no longer have a desire to rip their faces off. 🙂

A prayer for forgiveness…

“When I’m with you, everything is prayer” ~ Rumi

I adore that Rumi quote. For me it carries with it such reverence and sacred love for another. I always imagined it was for a lover who Rumi worshiped, but now I’m thinking it isn’t necessarily romantic. That particular quote came to my mind tonight.  I just spent some time with a dear friend who I view as someone who is centered, enlightened and frankly, for about 20 years, she has been a great teacher to me in this life. So much so that I have actually affectionately called herYoda for years.

Our talks vary on any given day. Among the myriad of topics of conversation, we exchange ideas about learning from our mistakes, business strategy, money, accountability, politics, Buddhism, and most anything that has to do with bringing our best selves to the world. Every time we part after one of our visits, I feel like she leaves me with little gifts of insight and inspiration I would not have had other wise. I am lucky to know her.  Tonight we discussed, among other things, forgiveness.

My lesson from Yoda tonight was a prayer for forgiveness. I’d like to share the lesson with you so we can all try it and see if it works.  Coming from Yoda, it probably will. To fill you in briefly I must tell you that I’ve been carrying around a significant amount of anger, resentment and general ill will toward a certain individual who in my view betrayed me, is evil, and is going to hell for sure. When I think of this person I often feel a physical sensation in my heart and throat that is a mixture of pain, anger, bitterness and disgust. My friend knows about this particular situation and this was the insight she brought to me tonight…

She recently attended a lecture/seminar here in L.A. given by Marianne Williamson, famous friend of Oprah and author of A Return To Love, among other best sellers. During the lecture a woman in the audience shared her bitter resentment toward her father who had done bad things to her many years ago. She explained she was still holding on to the pain, unable to let it go. Marianne suggested she pray for him and send him good intentions daily for 30 days straight. By doing so, she would change the energy of the entire relationship and actually free herself from victimhood.

Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves; it’s not for the other person. If we can free ourselves from the prison of anger, bitterness and resentment, then we can move on to live a happier more fulfilled life. And anyway, its like Yoda and Oprah always say, “When you know better you do better. “ Plus, and this is the worst part about me carrying around anger and resentment:  while I’m over here brooding and being angry and bitter, that miserable slime is over there at the club or taking a nap or eating something fried. So what’s the point of being angry when I’m only hurting myself and probably giving myself a wrinkle?

Do you have someone in your life that wronged you in some way? Maybe you experienced a betrayal you never saw coming? Maybe someone stole your property, never paid you back, or sabotaged you in some way. Maybe you are mad at your dad, your ex, your mom, or your friend from 11th grade?  Its time to release those feelings, not for their sake, but for yours. Tonight my friend shared advice from a world-renowned relationship expert that could possibly bring me personal freedom and peace. This was no coincidence. There is no price for personal freedom or peace, therefore I am going to start today. For the next thirty days I will be saying a prayer that goes something like this:

“Dear God, Please bless _______________ today. Please keep him/her safe and may this be a great day for him/her. Please be with him/her today and also be with me so that I too have a wonderful day. I’m sending him/her love and light wherever he/she is… Amen.

Feel free to use this prayer for the dirt bag in your life. Be genuine and do it for 30 days. My friend started this 4 days ago and got a call from the two people she was praying for.  These are calls she believes would not have come if she hadn’t been working on changing the energy of the relationship through prayer, mediation and good intention. I’ll be posting a blog in about 30 days or so as a follow up to this one to let you know how my prayers and good intentions changed or didn’t change anything for me…  Join me will you?!  What have you got to lose?

Peace, blessings and best wishes readers! Xo Dre

Oh, and P.S. That Rumi quote and this post is dedicated to my dear friend for her understanding, vision and wisdom. When I’m with her, everything really is prayer…

Click here for the follow up post…