Time After Time

“Eternity is in love with the creation of time”~ William Blake.

I’m a time fighter, a time waster, and a timekeeper. This time of year has me thinking a lot about time. It comes up for me as the year winds down and a fresh New Year is on the horizon. 12 months, 56 weeks, and 4 seasons that I have yet to walk in. 356 days that are still untainted by my own vandalism. As I write these words I have to be honest. Its hard for me to see the New Year in this light because I know that 2012 is not promised to me or to any one I love. Why think about days I may never see? It’s useless and only serves to take me out of the present moment, which is where I want live. The only thing that matters… The now.

The same philosophy applies to looking back at 2011. Looking back really doesn’t serve me either and definitely takes me out of the now.  Not looking back is always a challenge for me though. I am so attached to memories and moments and people that were there but aren’t any more… Not to mention the clothes I wore, the size I was, money I spent, the fun I had, and the ever-changing color of my hair. Then I get into longing and wishing for do-overs and start telling myself stories about why, and what if’s… Its totally useless, but I’m just gonna put this out there- if anyone ever gets the hook up for DeLorean DMC-12 back to the future time machine- hit me up.

The end of the year has many people reviewing the highlights of 2011. How many Christmas letters did you get this year from loved ones reviewing their year?  I just mailed my Christmas cards out today, totally late, but if I had written a letter to accompany them, I’d probably still be writing it! Now that I’m doing my best to walk in the truth, I tend to scrutinize the letters I do receive; wishing people would just be true. Not only would it make us all feel better they’d be much more entertaining. We’d get letters saying things like “Sally’s doing great in continuation school. We had to put her there after the whole abortion fiasco…” If I wrote one, it would go something like:

Dear Friends and Family,

Happy Holidays! I’m great! I spent most of the year living in Hollywood, but pretending to live in Long Beach. It was fun. Since I’ve been home its just same old same old over here. Just getting high and drinking excessively with various friends. I took a long break from my mother so that helped. This year was pretty traumatizing. I had an unexpected visitor named Cancer, you may know him. I’d heard of him but never thought he would come so close and stay so long. He sucked. On the bright side, my favorite family member was declared cancer free in Oct after 6 months of horrific poisonous treatments. Sigh. Good times. This year I also experienced a very thorough and complete heartbreak. It was excruciating. On the bright side, I also broke open and am told that I’m piecing together beautifully. Mom and Dad are well, but thankfully I’ve pawned them off on my sister so I don’t see them as often. Career wise I’m good. I was being harassed by a fat, ugly, jealous bitch at work. Again. I quit that bitch and have never been happier. Considering a move to PR. I’ll keep you posted. I’ve been taking a writing class. I love it. I’m back in Long Beach with Gene and the dogs. Gene is still awesome and I still don’t deserve him. I miss LA. I miss a lot of things, but working through it daily… There, now you’re all caught up!

Happy New Year,


P.S. Do I look like someone who puts knit cozy covers on my appliances or tissue boxes? Didn’t think so. For Christmas this year, please refrain from giving me any hand made gifts out of yarn, ok? Cash, a Nordstrom gift card, or nothing. Thanks. Besos.

I hope you enjoyed that Christmas letter as much as I enjoyed writing it! For the record it’s totally fiction and the REAL Christmas letter that tells of my many triumphs, my perfect home life, and cute new trick my dog is doing is coming soon!


10 thoughts on “Time After Time

  1. Darn it, now what am I going to do with the knit toaster cover! LOL…Dre, I love your total honest look at the “year in review and moving forward…and I do get what you are saying. Been doing some of that reflecting myself…stress of going thru a divorce, actually getting the divorce before the year is over, “potential new boyfriend(s)” – I think that was the title of a country song. Anyway, for me moving forward does mean looking back at 2011, how much it sucked in so many ways but that the sucky part had to be battled thru in order for 2012 to have the potential it does..and in the end, isn’t just knowing that “potential” exists all we really need to have to look towards a brighter new year? Muuuah…love you girl…you are always fabulous!

  2. Hahaha!! I love the “real” Christmas letter idea! I’m sure it is real for someone out there. I myself, can identify with the pawning of the parents on to my sibling. I guess it would be ok if my turn came around. 😉 Thanks for the laugh and gift idea, a knit cozy toaster cover is on its way to my sister. Merry Christmas Dre!!

  3. Dre,
    I can’t believe 2012 is upon us as 2011 just flew right by. We are all reflecting this past year with the goods and the bad. Hopefully, we all enjoyed the goods and have learned to make the best out of the bad going forward. From reading your blog, I think you did that really well. I hope you have a very Merry Xmas and the Happiest New Year!! Looks like 2012 will be a great year for you.

  4. Loved the real letter…mine would say “Spent the last 6 months face down in a toilet, hoping to see light outside the bathroom in 2012. Happy new year!” 🙂 Can’t live in the now too much or I might die so looking forward it is…I promise you though when this nightmare ends, I will be in the present 😉

  5. OMG!!! I LOVED the Christmas letter!! I love the way you write Dre! You have really found your niche. Keep up the good writing and looking forward, it’s good for the soul. And might I add that so is laughter so I will continue to read on and laugh right along with you. And when times are sad, I will be sad right along with you too!! Love you girl!!!

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