Sluts, douchebags, and other revelations…

Sandra Fluke, if you don’t know the name by now, is the Georgetown University law student who courageously testified before congress to advocate for healthcare plans to cover the cost of contraception. I use the word “courageous” to describe her because although I support everything she testified to, and am a consumer and advocate of contraception, have been for years, I never would have testified in front of congress about it! Primarily, I would be overcome by worry about what everyone would say. I am even having some resistance writing this blog post now! This speaks to the upbringing I received in my Catholic home, and my view of the private and personal nature of birth control and sex. Then there’s the worry of what if my employer sees it? What if my future employer sees it? Worse still, what if mom sees it?! As you can see, there are various reasons why I would not have had the balls to testify in front of congress on this issue.

Now consider Sandra Fluke. Thanks to YouTube, her testimony before congress will surely follow her the rest of her life. Soon she will graduate law school and start interviewing at potential firms. She won’t have to wonder if they know about her. They certainly will.  But what’s so embarrassing about it anyway? Do we really think people aren’t having sex? Particularly young, smart, college educated, ambitious young ladies? Bouncing a baby on your lap gets in the way of studying for the bar. Just saying. I congratulate and admire Sandra Fluke for being brave and honest and advocating for this women’s health issue.

This testimony may have likely gone under the radar had it not been for Rush Limbaugh, who has other thoughts on the matter. He is all over the news right now for his personal attack on Sandra Fluke. He repeatedly called her a “slut”. In addition, he called her a “prostitute” and said that he wanted her to make sex tapes and post them online so he could watch them. He also speculated that she only had a problem paying for contraception because she was having “so much sex.” This makes me laugh out loud. He’s such an imbecile. Because of those comments, there are petitions going around to take his show off the air, advertisers are puling out of his show and he is in hot right now, to say the least. This morning I read an article saying something like “Rush has said some awful things in the past, but this is beyond pale”. Hmmmm. Is it really though? One of the things I hate about extremists from the right and the left is what Bill Maher refers to as “fake outrage”. He is usually talking about the fake outrage coming from the right, but the left is guilty of fake outrage too. I think more so now because of a fight fire with fire mentality that is happening in the current polarized political atmosphere, but are we really offended? Rush Limbaugh is a hypocritical, colossal jackass with a history of drug addiction and douchebaggery that is almost inconceivable. Why do we give any power or airtime to the hate and foolishness he spews on the regular? And although I find his attack on Ms. Fluke totally gross and bile, I am not surprised or offended at his idiocy, or use of the word slut. It’s what he does for a living. He’s paid to be a douche and I could really care less about what he says. Sorry, no fake outrage from Project Dre. But it did get me thinking. Who uses the word slut? Seriously? I haven’t sincerely used that word since like junior high. I wondered, what does it even mean?

I turned to Urban Dictionary, which gave me three useful definitions. The first and most popular definition of a slut, according to Urban Dictionary, is a woman with the morals of a man. Shit. If that’s true, it’s my mother’s worst nightmare. I am a slut. But I sort of already knew that. Moving on.

The second definition offered this humorous description for the word slut: someone who provides a very needed service for the community and sleeps with everyone, even the guy that has no shot at getting laid, and everyone knows it. She will give him a sympathy fuck either because someone asked her to or she just has to fuck everyone she knows. These are great people, and without them, sex crimes would definitely increase. Thank you Slut, wherever you are.

But the third definition is the correct one in my view, as it defines the word slut as a derogatory term referring to a sexually promiscuous person, usually a female.

So now that I’ve defined it, I’d like to let Sandra Fluke and all of you know that I’m taking the power away from the word slut. I am not offended by its use and feel sorry for those who feel the need to label other women with such judgment. It makes me think the person using the word isn’t getting laid, because they probably aren’t. For whatever reason, sexually empowered women make men and other females extremely uncomfortable. I know this from personal experience; however, evidence of this is seen in the underlying reason for this blog post. A young lady stands before congress to advocate for contraception, and her name is dragged through the mud and it’s been in the news for days.

The use of contraception is the mark of an intelligent, thoughtful, proactive person. Man or woman alike. In fact, it’s my belief that more people should use contraception. Check out our welfare lines or the statistics of children living beneath the poverty line in our own country, and I think you will agree with me. Imagine the relief on the economy and our healthcare system if there were fewer breeders. I mean no insult or judgement by the use of the term breeders. I’m just saying…

Lastly, if you are a slut, congratulations! You’re sexy and you know it and you are in damn good company. Other famous sluts include Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, Elizabeth Taylor, Sofia Loren, Anais Nin, Jean Harlow, and if the first definition offered by Urban Dictionary is true, Me! Its like historian and Harvard University professor Laurel Thatcher Ulrich famously said, “Well-behaved women rarely make history.”

**For a list of other sexy people, click here.

Party of Three: Ménage à trois L.A.

I’m starting to wonder if the old saying two is company and three’s a crowd is a bit old school for todays ever evolving sexual culture.  Is three really a crowd? Maybe two is company and three is a party is more like it.

I’ve actually been pondering this question for a while.   It all started when I had a candid conversation with a couple of friends one night over drinks.  These young, wild, and free bachelors and bachelorettes in their mid to late twenties, sort of let me into their personal lives, inadvertently giving me a peek into what I believe to be the secret bedroom activities of many Los Angeles singles and couples.  To my surprise, they reported several scenarios including one time encounters, recurring participants, and even one night stands where 3-way sex occurred on the regular, once even in the bathroom at a bar in Westwood.  It was a birthday gift he told me; he was turning 25 and two gal-pals made it a very memorable night for him.

Of course I was well aware that threesomes have been happening since the first documented erection, but it wasn’t until very recently that I am discovering how prevalent, casual, and common this once taboo encounter actually is in LA.

Ménage à trois is a French term that literally translates to “household of three”, but refers to three persons having sexual relations with each other.  Urban Dictionary defines it as 2 women 1 man. 2 men 1 woman. 3 men.  3 women. Whatever the grouping – all must engage in sexual activity with one another for the activity to be a ménage à trois.  Only the French could give a sex act such a lovely, titillating, roll off your tongue name like ménage à trios.  It sounds like something I ordered last night at Bouchon in Beverly Hills that paired well with my coq a vin and foie gras.

I did a little research on the subject and here’s what I found out.  According to a 2010 survey conducted by Cosmopolitan and Ask Men magazine, of 100,000 men and women who participated in the survey, less than 10% of women confirmed they’ve ever had a threesome.  25% of guys are not at all interested in a threesome, while 33% of men say it’s their number one fantasy they wish they could have with their partner.  Considering that images of the ménage a trois are readily seen on any adult website and is an included scene in most every adult film, often a scenario involving a pizza guy and two hungry co-eds, its no wonder every guy in the city is hoping to get picked up by two chicks resembling Shakira and Scarlett Johansson.

But are women in LA really down with it? Or, perhaps this trend is a result of marketing from the porn, fashion, television and music industry, all alluding to this being common practice among the sexy, powerful, rich and beautiful.

Consider Katy Perry’s smash hit song Last Friday Night, where she describes an out of control party involving drinking, dancing and a ménage à trois, that ended with photos on Facebook.  This song and the album its on, Teenage Dream, sold to hoards of teenage girls, no doubt planting a seed of normalcy around this practice.  As if her song I kissed a girl, from her first album Just One of the Boys, didn’t already influence the masses enough.  Listen to any Lil Wayne or Drake song and I challenge you to find one NOT talking about the girls they are going home with.  The ménage à trois  is a featured story line on mainstream TV shows like Gossip Girl and Vampire Diaries whose fan base are young adults.  Even Charlie Sheen’s shenanigans from last summer, which was heavily covered by the media, promoted him and his “goddesses”, two 24 year old live in girlfriends.  Winning?  I’m not sure…

There does seem to be a constant feed of this particular emerging message from the media, music, porn and fashion magazines.  It stands to reason that the boundaries are significantly more blurred for todays couples and singles than they have ever been, especially for adolescents and young adults.

I took an informal poll among some of the people I know, all Angelinos, in various career fields, educational levels and ages varying from 23 to 52 and found that yes, the ménage à trois is quite common.  I’m not sure if this is new or if it’s just that more people are willing to talk about it and admit participation.  I think in our city of Angels, where the population is about 10 million, the chances to meet like minded people and make any vision happen are pretty high.

I have no judgment either way in the sexual practices of consenting adults, but I do hope to suggest that some things are left better to fantasy.  To illustrate what I mean, allow me to tell you of the time my girlfriend and I were planning her husband’s birthday party.   We decided it would be super sexy to hire a pole dancer for the party.  We found a professional studio in Los Angeles who will bring the pole, music and dancer to your home or party where she will tastefully perform 3 songs.  We watched the YouTube videos of the owner, a gorgeous, acrobat, model, and dancer who looked like a cross between Zoe Saldana and Rosario Dawson.   It was exciting to see her do all kinds of tricks and flips on the pole while wearing those 8-inch stripper shoes and booty shorts.  She was hot, trust.

The night of the party we anxiously awaited the 10:30 arrival of our Nubian Barbie doll.  Imagine our stunned, “Oh my god, this isn’t who we ordered” faces when in walked an overweight, out of shape, broke down version of Brandy.  Lets just say, we didn’t want to be down.  After three ill executed, out of breath, sweaty performances that were spaced out between her extra long breaks in the guest bathroom, (we can only assume she was consuming fat lines of blow during her long hiatuses), my friend graciously paid the girl and then apologized to her husband and guests.  We still crack up at that story to this day.  I am pretty sure that any attempt I make to have a sexy 3-way would turn out the same way.  Expectations high, blow being done in someone’s bathroom, and the actual event would be an ill executed sweaty let down.  Worse is that when it’s all over, I’d likely be left feeling a little shamed and embarrassed wondering, did I look fat?

The only ménage à trois I can recommend in good faith is the wine. Even if you aren’t a fan of red wine, try it.  It’s delicious.  Regarding the real ménage à trois,  I will leave you with a line from the show Gossip Girl that warns “Inside every threesome is a twosome and a onesome”.  Good luck lovers.

**Dre’s note: please check out the article as it appeared on We Wit It LA! xo