Top 15 Diva Break-up Songs

It’s hard to define a good break-up anthem.  It has to be catchy and inspiring; offer comfort in the face of pain; give hope, and strength and some shred of dignity so you can forget that drunk text you sent but never got a response from…  Most importantly a good break-up anthem assures that you are ok, and better days are still ahead!

Today while at the car wash on the corner of Santa Monica and Gower, I was browsing through the June/July issue of Metrosource LA, The Pride Issue.  It’s a GLBT mag, but cool to read just the same.  The Slice of Life column listed Top 15 Diva Break-Up Anthems.  I scanned the songs listed and although I knew most of them from artists such as Cher, Kelly Clarkson, and even Britney Spears, I was disappointed that I didn’t own any of them, which is saying a lot since I have a gargantuan iTunes collection.

It occurred to me that although I have more than one playlist dedicated to recovery from heartbreak, sad songs, and solitude, I don’t really listen to anthems… My favorite break-up songs are a little less disco and a little more weepy.  Before you wonder what the hell I’m so sad about, I should mention I listen to these song even when I’m not sad.  I’m just emo that way!

Anyway, with the exception of songs No. 3 Alanis Morissette- You Oughta Know, No. 12 Pink- So What?,  and No. 13 Gloria Gaynor I Will Survive, I don’t know if I have any official anthems.  Whatever the case, now that I have blog, I can make my own list!  Inspired by the Slice of Life column, here is my list of my Top 15 Diva Break-up Song, with an anthem or two in the mix…

1. Adele- Rolling in the Deep  Of course I picked her first… “The scars of your love remind me of us, I can’t help thinking that we almost had it all…”  Definitely an anthem.

 2. Leona Lewis- Happy  

 3.  Diana Krall- A Case of You

 4. Sinead O’Connor Nothing Compares to you  I actually really love the original duet by Prince with Rosie Gains, but since this is a list of songs by divas, I chose this one from 1990.  She still makes me wish I was pretty enough to shave my head and look like her when I cry…

5. Robyn- Dancing On My Own The first time I heard this song I was in West Hollywood at Hamburger Mary’s.  There was a drag queen on stage with this rocking body.  She had on a hot short black sequence dress and did an amazing lip sync and dance routine to this song.  She used the pole and everything!

I realize it’s a strange visual but it was awesome.  I busted out my iPhone, shazamed the song and have loved it ever since.  Plus I’m pretty sure this definitely counts as an anthem!

6. Katy Perry- Part of Me  She clearly wrote this about Russell Brand.  Nuff said.

7. Lady Antebellum- Need You Now  I don’t even like country and this song made the list. The famous drunk dial makes an appearance in this one too.  Ladies, may I suggest a book? There’s a whole chapter on the drunk dial.  Makes a great gift too… ”I wonder if I ever cross your mind.  For me it happens all the time…”

8. Pink- Who Knew?

9. Fiona Apple- Love Ridden  

10. Rihanna- Take a Bow

11. Alicia Keys- Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart  Um, the whole album.  2010, sigh.

12. Christina Perry- Jar of Hearts  Great song, with plenty of emo factor and I especially love the video with dope choreography from So You Think You Can Dance

13. Tegan and Sara- I know, I know, I know 

14. Jessie J- Nobody’s Perfect

 15.  Kate Nash- The Nicest Thing

I Heart Adele…

Did you watch the Grammy’s Sunday night? The highlight for me was watching Adele perform her song, “Rolling in the Deep”. She sang her heart out and gave an expected amazing performance. It was her first live performance since she had a very delicate vocal cord surgery that saved her singing voice just 5 months ago. At the end of her song Sunday night you see her scan the audience with this look of victory, accomplishment and awe. My heart beamed with hers as she took it all in. She deserved that applause.

I totally remember the first time I heard her voice. It was March 2011, a beautiful bright sunny morning in Hollywood, CA. I was getting ready for work while listening to Kevin and Bean on 106.7 KROQ, as I do most mornings. The song came on and I heard this cool, clear voice sing “There’s a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and its bringing me out the dark…” My ears perked up. The song got stronger, drum beats louder… “The scars of your love remind me of us, I can’t help thinking that we almost had it all. The scars of your love, they leave me breathless, I can’t help feeling, we could have had it all… Rolling in the deep… you had my heart inside of your hand, and you played it, you played it to the beat.” I said to myself, “Who is this girl? Love those lyrics? I need this song!” I downloaded the album right then and there and listened to it until… well, actually, I’m still listening to it!

It’s meaning has evolved for me, and she’s reported it has for her too, but still, the experiences she sings about on the album resonated with me profoundly. “Rolling in the Deep” and subsequently the entire album 21, translated internationally to millions of people because heartache is such a unifying human emotion. Nothing can illicit empathy from the collective whole like the pain of a broken heart. Its both physical and emotional, and although circumstances vary, the pain of lost love, the emptiness of missing someone, the bitter taste of betrayal… well, that’s universal.

It was totally Adele’s night. She won Album of the Year and Best Pop Vocal Album for 21, an album that offered me so much comfort last year. She took Song of the Year, Record of the Year, and Best Short Form Music Video for “Rolling in the deep”. In addition, she was honored with Best Pop Solo Performance for “Someone Like You“, a song that still rips at my heart.

In her acceptance speech she conveyed how surprised she was that the album did as well as it did. After all, she said, she wrote it about a relationship that was “rubbish”. What she wasn’t expecting is how universal it is to have a relationship that is rubbish! How many of us have lost a lover? Worse when you lose your lover to someone else! Who among us hasn’t totally misjudged someone so completely, you wonder what the hell you were thinking in first place? We go through all that just for a chance at the high that comes from love…

Not to put anyone’s personal business on shout, but just among my circle of love-inspired companion seeking friends, both male and female, our personal misgivings have resulted in countless sleepless nights, an ocean of tears, volumes of bad poetry, and even some regrettable tattoos. Collectively there have been lost jobs, forfeited houses, failed marriages, restraining orders, unrecovered money (a lot of money), relinquished expensive and lovely home furnishings (stolen by a certain trifling bottom feeder). We have lost friends, accrued credit card debt, ruined our credit, not to mention reputation, and lost dignity. The list can probably go on, but you get the idea.

Yes, love really is blind, but eventually you see again. You become stronger and better for the pain you endured. I assure you, it never comes without its lasting lesson. One of my favorite quotes from Master Rumi says, “My heart is like a vast rose garden of light. An ocean of agony drowned it again and again, but it became a warrior after being slaughtered a hundred times.” In another quote Rumi observes, “When the heart becomes whole it will know the flavors of falsehood and truth”. Word.  And I think Adele would agree too.

Most casualties of love are devastating, but you have to find your way back from that some how. Adele put her pain to music and came out of the experience an international Pop star! It is easy to get stuck in the misery and tale of your loss, but remember, you still have you! Put that pain to use like Adele did and be assured that there is a more intelligent force guiding your life, even if you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet. In Adele’s case, that douche bag who left her had to rip her in two so that she could have the experience of lost love, write a whole album about it and become a pop sensation, while simultaneously helping to thousands, maybe millions of people who suffered a similar loss. It was all in the master plan for her life. I’m just saying. Further, I believe the same is true for all of us…

Adele rocks for not only being an amazing singer, songwriter and artist, but also for surviving! She endured her heartbreak, created something beautiful, shared it with the world and landed on top of her game after all the dust settled. She may never know how much comfort and support she lent me during my unearthing last year, but I will always know, and for this, I will be a lifelong fan.

Congratulations Adele. You are beautiful, talented, inspiring, and I love you. xo Dre

The Way We Were….

“Ever has it been, that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” ~ Khalil Gibran

It’s a sad day. There’s been a terrible loss. I have that insufferable pain in my heart that is undeniably the feeling of absence. Void. Wreckage.

That pulling deep inside your heart and gut that tells you something important is missing. A light in your world has turned off and you are left to navigate your life in this darkness… You must move on seamlessly, as if you never knew the joy, the love, the sheer pleasure that once was and that is no more. I am racked with remorse, anguish, despair. You see, I have lost my favorite pair of sunglasses.

I was shopping. I was in at least 5 stores and a taco place! They could have been left among the frames at Aaron Brothers, or in the shoe racks at Nordstrom Rack, or in the personal hygiene department at Target! Maybe the counter at Poquito Mas? I was everywhere on this ill-fated day, and there was no way to retrieve them once I noticed my lovely dark gold leather case with the GUCCI name embossed in gold, was empty.

“‘Tis Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

I miss them so. They were casual and dressy, chic and classy, and they went with everything. These weren’t just my sunglasses. We were friends who went everywhere together. My sunglass destiny. Gucci for god’s sake! The ones with the bamboo accent hardware on the delicate tortoise leg. The ones with the very tiny Gucci signature on the lens that was barely noticeable. Only those familiar with the fabulous Gucci bamboo collection or with an eye for fine and fabulous accessories would recognize as couture eyewear… Yes, some fortunate soul found those glasses while I’m left in the grief of their absence.

In their memory, I play this…

“Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind. Smiles we gave to one another, of the way we were…” Sing it Babs! Barbara knows what I’m talking about.

I keep having flashbacks of all the good times we had together. Sigh. So much laughter…. We went on that cruise; we shopped in Mexico, San Francisco, all over the South Bay and the Westside. We had a blast in Las Vegas together…

Below we are in one of the last photos we took together. It was a lovely seaside day in Ensenada. The photo was taken by Juanita- the tour guide/ Mexican transplant, who was deported back to Mexico from Long Beach actually! Small world, but I digress…

With those glasses I was a person of importance. Women and men moved out of the way for me. Judging by my fabulous taste in eyewear, they surely thought I must be some “it” girl from LA. I could totally see them thinking, “Who is that?” They nervously wondered, “Maybe I should get her autograph?” Of course I was too intimidating to approach, but still…

The thing is, they weren’t just sunglasses. They were more like tools. Much like Wonder Woman, who if you recall had accessories with super powers, I draw powers from my accessories as well.

Remember her cuff bracelets that deflected bullets, and her gold tiara that worked like a boomerang? She would throw it and it would dutifully help her get the bad guys so she could catch them and tie ‘em up with her golden lasso. Well, my now departed shades were similarly helpful. I mean, they never tripped the bad guys or anything, but after a long night of party rocking, they certainly served me. I loved how they would hide my bloodshot, “I didn’t get no sleep” eyes, in that Mary Kate and Ashley chic disguise that is nearly impossible to attain without the right frame, the right face or right high-end specs.

I went from Lindsey Lohan to Audrey Hepburn, from Amy Winehouse to Coco Chanel, in one swift gesture with those guys. Sigh. Now how will I conceal my sins?

I suppose I could use my back up pair, but they leave me feeling hollow…

I have so much running thru my head now. Who could have found them? Will they have a good home? Whose face will those gorgeous tortoise frames adorn next? Will she have a strong enough nose to pull off those chic oversized lenses? Or worse! Were they found by some 17-year-old stock boy who will carelessly heap them into his pile of recyclable cardboard?! Gasp! I’m worried.

Kim Jong Ill knows what I’m talking about… Well, he would if he was alive…

How could I have been so careless? Was I in such a hurry that I did not notice my constant companion all lovely and expensive, sitting there on the goddamn shelf or rack or wherever the hell I left them?!

Where will they sleep without their luxurious case? Will their new owner just toss them in her pleather tote she bought from one of those awful kiosk vendors at the mall, thereby scratching the lovely exquisite lenses that have only been cleaned with the Gucci embossed cloth they came with??? sigh. I hate myself.

“Don’t grieve. Everything you lose comes back to you in another form…” ~ Rumi

I’ve been listening to a lot of Adele again. Morrissey, Bruno Mars. You know, the usual singers who comfort me in my hour of need, but I’m still in a funk. I’ve just added Al Green to my “I remember you Gucci” playlist. I’m hoping that the Rev. can calm my angst, affliction, heartbreak.

As you know, I never experience heartache without finding the valuable lesson that surely comes with every crushing disappointment experienced. I see this loss as a lesson in staying present. I must slow down. I have to be more conscientious in everything I do. Another hard learned lesson that hurts, but surely makes me stronger.

I will say this. I always appreciated those gorgeous glasses. Every time I wore them I loved them. I hope the next owner is grateful and takes care of them the way I didn’t. Or, if they ended up in some dumpster or landfill, I hope those guys know, they will be replaced, but never forgotten.

Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start…

2011 Life Lesson List

It was a trying year for Dre. I walked around for most of it feeling like I just got kicked in the gut. Mostly because I had been. But it wasn’t all bad. Some of the lessons, tricks and treats for me this year came in places I went, people I met, the dear souls who soldiered right along with me, and the feelings that delivered me. Here is my Life Lesson List for 2011:

1) Passion

2) Compassion

3) Abandonment

4) Stillness

5) New Friendship

I am so blessed to have made so many new friends this  year…

6) Doctors, patients and patience

7) Solitude

8) San Francisco

9) The Dalai Lama

“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck” ~ Dalai Lama

10) Cancer

11) Chemotherapy

12) A Hero

13) Loss

14) Age

15) Sadness

16) Betrayal

17) Horrible Bosses

18) Death

19) A beautiful Russian

20) Agape- a spiritual community

21) The Artists Way and Vision Quest- A Creative Community

22) New York

I took this photo in April in Central Park…

23) Rumi

“It’s good to leave each day behind, Like flowing water, free of sadness. Yesterday is gone and its tale told. Today new seeds are growing.” ~ Rumi

24) Lost Love

25) Movie: Midnight in Paris

Ernest Hemingway: No subject is terrible if the story is true, if the prose is clean and honest, and if it affirms courage and grace under pressure.

Gertrude Stein: You have a clear and lovely voice.  Don’t be such a defeatist.

26) Movie: Beginners

Oliver:   You can’t be ugly.  Except to people who don’t understand.

27) Movie: 50/50

Alan: You want a macaroon?
Adam: Oh, thanks I’m alright.
Alan: There’s weed in ‘em…

28) Allowing myself to cry… buckets!

29) Pema Chodron

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” ~ Pema Chodron

I read her book “Taking the Leap” twice this year…

30) Self Discovery

31) Love

32) Art, writing and bravery

Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way” and Kelly Morgan’s Artist’s Way class in Los Angeles, was one of the greatest gifts I gave myself this year…

33) A poet and a couple Bloggers (you guys can fight over which one of you is the ninja)

34) Yelp Friends

35) Therapy

36) Runyon Canyon

37) Silverlake

38) Long Beach

39) Koreatown

40) Hollywood

My view.  ”One always begins to forgive a place as soon as it’s left behind.” ~ Charles Dickens

41) Downtown LA

to live and die in L.A…

42) Steve Jobs

“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me.  Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful, that’s what matters to me.” ~Steve Jobs
43) Oprah (the finale season!)

“Nobody but you is responsible for your life. It doesn’t matter what your mama did; it doesn’t matter what your daddy didn’t do. You are responsible for your life. … You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself, and you’re responsible for the energy that you bring to others.’Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.’” ~Oprah on her last show

44) A lion

45) Adele 21

46) Family

I encourage you to make a list of people, places, words, and things that come to mind when you remember this year as it comes to an end. Then, and this is the hard part; Be Grateful. Be grateful for the joy and sorrow that came to you this year, for everything comes and goes in its own right time. The joys and the pains are always on time. Not when you’re ready, but when they will serve you best. Whatever challenge you faced this year is an expansion for your soul. It came to push you out and take you to the next stage of your unfolding. The worse it was, the deeper you are as a person. At least that’s what my therapist says. Now that you have been through that challenge, just trust that because of it, you now feel more, you empathize more; you can forgive and understand more readily. You aren’t weaker, you’re stronger. Experienced. You survived. As did I.  So dear reader, be Grateful. And carry on…

I hope you had a beautiful year! I wish you an even better 2012.

Tell me what’s on your list! Give me 10! C’mon!